We have come this far, almost 2 decades! Imagine how one feels sharing his/her life with another for that long and years to come.
From mere two people, expanding the family with the addition of little members, building a home to house all and facing daily challenges to keep everyone together.
What I learnt from all these years of being married….
1. We must have common goal(s) and family values;
2. Respect each other and each other’s space;
3. Speak up or write when something goes wrong in the relationship/marriage. It is not OK to feel lousy alone. Share it so the other would know how it is affecting you.
4. Don’t expect the other person to be like us. (Think / Do / Feel). Such expectations kills a marriage with slow death.
5. Avoid confrontation. Speak when cooled down. Silent when feeling heated up, or walk away for a breather. Emotion is more stable when calmed. More can be achieved then.
6. A line must be drawn on what are not to be tolerated. It goes for both parties.
7. Perform your duties as a husband /wife, not just economically but social well-being too. Be the strength of support to your partner.
8. Selective hearing/feeling/action….compromise whenever you can.
9. No place for ego. Fight for the marriage (All win), not personal victory (All lose).
10. Be Grateful to each other. Count your blessings.
11. Not everyone says “Sorry”. Look with your heart and eyes….it could be “sorry” being displayed by action. Receive it as good.
12. Have separate bank accounts, assets, credit cards, hobbies/interests, friends, etc. besides common ones.
13. You have chosen your partner. Stay loyal / faithful to the chosen one. If you have to “move on” under any circumstances, have a clean and fair break with the one who first built this family with you.
14. Things change, people change. Do not remain static at one level, or you’ll be left behind. Don’t be complacent. Upgrade yourself, learn a new skill, language, grooming, go for further education. Take good care of yourself too.
15. Love yourself and learn to be happy for yourself. It is alright. It is not being selfish if you share such love and happiness with your loved ones.
16. Be the companion whom your spouse feels proud and comfortable to be around with.
17. Treat your spouse as how you would treat your good friends.
18. Keep the communication line open. This will avoid unnecessary misunderstanding. People get upset or angry mainly because of misunderstanding.
19. Watch your words. Open the mouth only to speak good words. If you have nothing good to say to the next person, just keep the mouth shut. Cruel words uttered can never be erased from the mind….nothing will be the same ever again.
Life still goes on. Our lives keep changing. I know I have much more to go through, to learn and to live the life that I’m blessed with. Nothing is perfect. Neither am I.
Happy 19th Anniversary, Darling! It is the 19th, not 20th (LOL!). It is just a number, isn’t it?….Love you anyway.
~ Alice N.