Who Says…….

“Who says, who says you’re not perfect, who says you’re not worth it, who says you’re the only one that’s hurting. Trust me, trust the price of beauty, who says you’re not pretty, who says you’re not beautiful, who says”. That, everyone knows is a hit song, sung by Selena Gomez.

Well, since when we care so much what people say about us? Yea right, you’re going to say since the day you were born. You are not wrong, actually. That’s why you notice babies and little tots keep doing the same act knowingly that they can draw more attention and praises from other people. You can see that they enjoy being the centre of attention and at the same time, showered with strings of praises.

There you go ; Human beings, of any age, are continuously seeking to hear good words about themselves from people around them, known to them or strangers alike. Of course, everyone tries to avoid, as much as possible, listening to negative ones.

When you think or believe you are smarter/good/charming/etc. why do you care so much when others say otherwise? Could it be that the person is telling the truth or wait a minute, could the person aim that hurtful statement just to spite you? Nonetheless, it is always good to find out more before you decide to give in.

I have heard and seen people brushing away compliments for a another person by saying something “hurtful” in the person’s presence, without realizing how bad it sounded. I mean like, a child did very well in his studies. When someone else praised the child, humble parent(s) would be quick to dismiss it and said that “it’s nothing“, or “my child is not that smart“, or “my child is actually very lazy“, or “it’s pure luck!“. I can understand when parents choose to be humble and not wanting to boast such excellent achievement. But, to the extent of belittling that young person, who deserves none other than a compliment, is just not cool! Please parents, just graciously say “thank you“, if you don’t want to say more. It’s good enough for all.

If it is not corrected this instant, over time, it would leave a permanent mark in the receiver (in this case, the young child) e.g. loss of self-confidence, lower self-esteem, lack of self-worth i.e. started to believe that he/she is never good enough or maybe simply given up altogether (because no matter how well he does, the parents just won’t notice or feel proud of them)! It could happen to adults too, anyone and anywhere. So watch what we say to others, as well.

We have no control over other people’s action and speech. What is within our control is, when you know that is not right, don’t let it get to you. Don’t for a minute be doubtful about your capability. Stick to your ground by choosing to believe in yourself. If you are not strong enough to counter that, look for someone who can boost your confidence and who is more respectful and objective about it.

I must qualify that not all remarks are made with bad intention. There are times when the remarks are true! This happens when we are over-confident that we disregard everyone else, when we are in denial and refuse to face the truth. Here, we should pause to re-assess the statement, honestly. It could be one spoken by a trusted friend, spouse, parent, sibling, employer, colleague, etc. This kind of remark is spoken with good intention, by someone who cares about you, who takes the effort to speak to you about it, risking your friendship/relationship. If you know, at a corner of your mind, that he/she might be speaking the truth, it is worth listening and find out why he/she thinks/feels that way about you. You might re-discover your true self, who knows?

When you face such challenges with an open mind, you’ll learn more about yourself. Through all these “psychological trainings”, you’ll only grow stronger. As you grow older, you’ll realise that you don’t need approval from everyone in everything that you do or say! This is because you are more mature and you know yourself well enough to recognize what a genuine judgment is and what is not. If it is not, you can choose to dismiss it altogether. If it is true, you will allow yourself to bask in the limelight. And if the negative statement is true, learn from it. Make necessary changes to have a more meaningful life. The only thing that is constant is change! We have to keep changing to adapt to our environment, agree?

Finally, you must love yourself first before you can afford to love someone else, and to have a meaningful and lasting relationship. No one can hurt you unless you allow it. Always remember that the final choice is always yours. What you choose to believe and accept. You are what you think you are….so do your best to make the right choice!

Now, tell me again, who says you are not perfect, who says you are not worth it? Who says….

~ Alice N.

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