We promised ourselves to take things easy, look at the broad picture, count to 10 before we react, take a deep breath before we speak, walk away till we have cooled down and have a clear head to deal with the matter, and more. But, why do we still lose our cool!
Well, when we are angry, most often than not, it was because we believe a wrong has been committed. Otherwise, we would not even bother to waste our breath to be mad! It is not a comfortable feeling which we want to carry around even for another minute. It makes our blood boil, the heart race, sometimes if it is so bad, it sucks up our breath that we feel suffocated or near stroke!
But, what we perceived to be wrong may not always be correct. What if we have misunderstood the person who is on the receiving end of our outburst? We see things differently. We jump to conclusions. Sometimes, it did not even concern the receiver at all – angry about some else but the nearest person/thing will be the target. Sounds familiar?
Also, notice that when we lashed out in anger, we actually invite the other party to withdraw in silence, making a relationship gap grows wider? Don’t dismiss the fact that the way we handle anger is going to be how our children handle such situation. They watch and learn from us. Do we want them to be like us?
We must learn to accept anger and process it in a positive way. We have to find a way to communicate anger more effectively, whether it is with our spouse, children, friends, boss or a colleague. What is most important is to resolved the issue which cause the anger, as soon as possible. Just like the famous advice, “Don’t go to bed angry“. Unresolved anger in the heart and mind breed resentment, rejection and bitterness. Everyone involved would be on the losing end if the matter is left unattended and anger brews stronger by the minute. We have to put out the fire, before it eats us up alive and makes us out of control! Yup, it sounds dead serious.
It’s time for a reality check, on the cause(s) and how frequently you have your outbursts. That would give you a clue if you really need professional help or you could deal with it on your own or with the support of your loved ones. Usually, the latter will do just fine. If we are weak, it is alright to swallow our pride, to seek help from people around us, especially our loved ones.
So, how do we do it? Try meditation, be more forgiving, be less perfect and don’t have too high an expectation over your life and that of others, which you have no control over. Be more aware of your surroundings and your breathing. I think it’s called mindfulness.
Try something different to see if you are better off with keeping your cool from here onwards.
All the best and remember, you can do it!