Is a Good Wife, a Happy Wife? No one can really tell. Even between husband and wife, the definition differs. So, what makes a Happy Wife?
Personally, I feel that a Happy Woman makes a Good Wife. So, how do you define ‘happiness‘. We all know that it is subjective. I read a book entitled, “The Secrets of Happily Married Women ~ Dr Scott Haltzman & Theresa Foy DiGeronimo “. This is a great book! As I read, I couldn’t help but keep nodding in agreement and there are also lots of “ah-hah” factors. I truly recommend this book to all married women who want to get more out of their relationship by doing less! We could learn a thing or two from it. I did, not just two but a whole load. It made me understand why men behave, think and speak the way they do. I believe that, in any marriage, anger, frustration and the likes mostly stem from misunderstanding. Read Stephen R. Covey wrote about one of his habits, “Seek First to Understand…then to Be Understood“. When you understand this, you would not fight about who should be understood first. It’s never easy when it comes to communication and relationship. It is not impossible if you sincerely want to make a difference.
We need to understand our life partner well in order to communicate more effectively. Men look tough but they also need what we seek all the time – the emotional fulfillment. As the book says, “Men need to feel cared for, acknowledgment of their efforts, they need to protect their families, to be right and in control, have trouble verbalising love and regret, need action and have an undeniably strong attraction to females”. If you are a guy reading this, I’m sure you’re going to nod and say “yes, yes, yes!”, right?
When things go wrong, sit down with him to sort it out. “Restore some equilibrium, without going on strike. The goal is happiness, not war“. We need to focus on how we can balance out each other. If we can’t talk, we can write. I learned this from reading other relationship books. When we are hurt, mad or frustrated, our words could come out very harsh, desperately seeking understanding and validation from our partner. The tone used would somehow put the men on the defensive. That closes the door to any further discussion.
For some ladies, they would only start talking after they have cooled down. These are the clear-headed ones. Bravo! But, for those who are not, writing is a great alternative. After writing the first draft, read through over and over. As you do that, you’ll find that your anger starts to mellow down. You’ll also find that you continue editing the content to make it sound more gentle, seeking understanding instead of being demanding or authoritative. With letters, your man will have no choice but the read till the end. There is no room for cutting you off mid-sentence or storming out of the room half way. Good idea, huh?
We must recognise the differences between a man and a woman, so that we don’t expect the impossible and get more and more frustrated with each other. Men are known to be of few words. He may not say the word “love” as often as you do, but he may express it by action – the offer to fetch the kids, a little massage on that aching muscles, send your clothes to the cleaner, dining out so that you don’t have to cook tonight, etc.
“I’m sorry” is also expressed in similar way – via action. Instead of fuming and waiting for him to apologise, look for the message in his actions. He’ll do something for you as a way to express his regret. Actions like he offers to wash the dishes and all, so that you can take a break right after dinner. He might bring you a cup of your favourite drink, a foot rub, etc. “Try to see his feelings of love and regret, accept this method of expressing emotions and let him know that you understand the message“.
Now, what does a happy woman look like? Geraldine Bedell came up with conclusion that there are typical traits that the happiest women share, including these four : (1) Being surrounded by Friends (2) Being physically active (3) Being involved in life and (4) Being open to spirituality.
Being surrounded by Friends – As the book says, “Socialising offers opportunities for laughing, relaxing and sharing good feelings. Seek friends with positive attitude towards marriage and don’t trash your husband“. Ladies, get dressed and out of your living room once a week. Drive out to do lunch or have chats over tea with girlfriends. You need your “Me-Time” away from house chores, kids, hubby, anything but yourself. Make time and plans. It can be done if you want it to be. Dear hubby can handle the kids, no sweat, baby! When there’s a will, there’s definitely going to be a way.
Being physically active – is a great way to be physically fit and keep off excess weight. Women who take care of themselves, feel good and confident about their bodies and are a lot more attractive to their husbands. I’d like to add – give yourself a treat sometimes, like manicure and pedicure, lovely hairdo, massage, facial, you name it. I bet you’ll feel really light and happy after that pampering session. When you feel happy and confident, you are also spreading joy within your marriage.
Being involved in life – Get out of the house – out of yourself! Start a hobby, do something worthwhile. Say, take up knitting/cooking/grooming classes, learn a new language/piano/violin, sign up for that degree or master programme, be a volunteer, or simply read a good book! I feel that one must get out of the house to see the world, people moving past you, watch activities around you. Stay current.
Being open to spirituality – as the book says, “one of the most powerful ways for women to regain their strength and find balance in their lives is through reconnecting with their spiritual side“. This refers to your faith, for others it can be found through meditation or yoga. You’ll find that you are less stressful, more optimistic, less fearful and more balanced, not easily swayed by negativites or uncertainties.
I like this : “The happiness you’re after has been there all along; you just need to learn where to look for it. You can find happiness in your marriage without sacrificing who you are in the process. Use your inborn abilities to forge a solid and loving bond with your husband. He wants to please you. He wants to be your partner, help you meet your own life goals and become your best fan“.
These are extracts from the book I mentioned earlier “The Secrets of Happily Married Women ~ Scott Haltzman, M.D. & Theresa Foy DiGeronimo. I hope you find this post most interesting and perhaps, you’ll start doing something differently starting this minute. You’ll be in for a pleasant surprise when your hubby reacts positively to the new confident and gorgeous you.
All the best, girls. Oh yeah, if you are a guy reading this, forward this post to your other half. Girls, the same author also wrote about “……..Happily Married Men”. I might cover that in another post. Then, it’ll be your turn to forward it to your dear hubby 🙂
TGIF & Wishing you a fab weekend!