PEACE

What is PEACE? Peace is a state of harmony characterized by the lack of violent conflict. Commonly understood as the absence of hostility, peace also suggests the existence of healthy or newly healed interpersonal or international relationships, prosperity in matters of social or economic welfare, the establishment of equality, and a working political order that serves the true interests of all. In international relations, peacetime is not only the absence of war or conflict, but also the presence of cultural and economic understanding.(Wikipedia)

When people pray, all pray for PEACE to the world, I’m sure. No one choose to live in a community where war, crime, violence and abuse lurking just around the corner, every day of their lives. We want PEACE of mind, living PEACEfully in our countries and lands, peacefully carrying out our duties and peaceful streets for our children and family members to walk on.

Is PEACE so difficult to achieve? Please allow me to share with you the following extract of a lecture. It is not about religion but I’d like you to read it as how one looks at PEACE…..

Whether we have global peace or global war is up to us at every moment. The situation is not hopeless and out of our hands. If we don’t do anything, who will? Peace or war is our decision. The fundamental goal of Buddhism is peace, not only peace in this world but peace in all worlds. The Buddha taught that the first step on the path to peace is understanding the causality of peace. When we understand what causes peace, we know where to direct our efforts. No matter how vigorously we stir a boiling pot of soup on a fire, the soup will not cool. When we remove the pot from the fire, it will cool on its own, and our stirring will hasten the process. Stirring causes the soup to cool, but only if we first remove the soup from the fire. In other words, we can take many actions in our quest for peace that may be helpful. But if we do not first address the fundamental issues, all other actions will come to naught.

The Buddha taught that peaceful minds lead to peaceful speech and peaceful actions. If the minds of living beings are at peace, the world will be at peace. Who has a mind at peace, you say? The overwhelming majority of us live in the midst of mental maelstroms that subside only for brief and treasured moments. We could probably count on the fingers of both hands the number of those rare, holy persons whose minds are truly, permanently at peace. If we wait for all beings in the world to become sages, what chance is there of a peaceful world for us? Even if our minds are not completely peaceful, is there any possibility of reducing the levels of violence in the world and of successfully abating the winds of war? (Ron Epstein – Lectures for the Global Peace Studies Program, San Francisco State University, November 7 & 9, 1988)

I’ve highlighted on the fundamentals of obtaining PEACE, in Bold in the above two paragraphs. Let’s now focus more on self-peace than the whole world. To a simple eye and mind, every one of us makes up the whole world, how we run it, how we live it and how we nourish it. One may argue that what he/she does, is not going to affect the community, nation, world. That’s where you are wrong! You see, from one-of-a-kind that grows into a huge group of people, who feel indifference and act irrationally or refuse to act rightfully, this action of the huge group will certainly make an impact to a given situation. One person’s act doesn’t have much impact but when it becomes a pool of persons, you’ll feel the impact! You know it too.

Ahhh Peace, wish we can all embrace that to our lives and live in perfect harmony. We need to reflect what have gone wrong that make peace out of our reach? We need to start making a difference by doing something differently. What and how different speech, act and thought must be? It’s totally up to you to figure it out yourselves.

Everything starts from a small seed. You are the little seed. What would you do for yourself, family, workplace, community, country and the world to achieve peace? Let’s not just chant “Peace To The World” or something in that essence. Let’s do it. Follow your conscience and do what is right.

Some people, in the name of Success, Wealth, Freedom, create a huge mess in the process. Peace is compromised too. We all know that there is no elevator to Success but just stairs. Via the stairs, it is a long, steep uphill climb but the view at the top is so magnificent that once you’re at the top, the aches and exhaustion in your body and mind would instantly disappear, replaced by pure happiness ad freedom.

So, whatever you wish to achieve, remember Peace to be the most important ingredient in your life. With Peace, you can achieve more and long-lasting result. Peace to you and I.

Cheers,
Alice N.

 

 

Women’s Financial Affair

Yesterday, at a business function, I had the pleasure of meeting several successful women and we got around to talk about what we do and topics concerning women. When a mutual friend introduced me as an Independent Financial Planner, the ladies asked if I’m selling Insurance or Investment products or writing wills. In Malaysia, Financial Planning is still at the infancy stage unlike in other developed countries like The States, UK, Canada and Australia. I patiently explained to them what Licensed Independent Financial Planners like me do for a living and how we are different from the Insurance and Mutual Fund Agents. I gladly added that I specialise in Financial Planning for Women. More curious looks around the table when I mentioned the last bit.

Most people, men and women alike, cannot see any solid reason why women need financial planning. I was frequently asked if there were women out there seeking my professional advice at all. Some men even joked that they should not allow their wives to meet with me! I can understand their curiosity and fear for the unknown. General assumption has been that, for married women, they have their husbands to depend on, financially. As for the single women, they are quite independent already. Ladies and gentlemen, I beg to differ. Women, whether married or not, younger or older, should start to educate themselves about personal finance. The sooner the better, if they sincerely want to achieve financial independence. Any monetary support from the husband is of course most welcome but, do not solely rely on it that you don’t plan at all.

As for those men who fear for their wives getting smarter and demanding more money from them, I share with them my experience. Women who learn to manage their finances are the ones who became more prudent in their finances. Armed with the knowledge and experience they now acquired, they are more confident and able to grow their savings. This takes a whole load off the husbands’ shoulders, if I may say so.

Most people spend almost all that they earned or received. The person who draws 1 million will have 1 million worth of expenses, regardless of the currency. This comes from the horse’s mouth. There is always something which they add on to their wish lists. To make a big purchase or smaller but expensive one. Some have the issue of advance spending and use up more than 50% of their disposable income to pay off debts every month. This happens not only to women but to men too. Of course, many believe that women are great savers. We also know women who are big spenders, on preferred mailing lists of branded boutiques, who frequent the stores every new season. To be up-to-date or rather, keeping up with the trend is a very costly affair.

If we do a quick housekeeping of our finances, we shall discover where our monies have gone to all this while. We can also identify our spending habits. This is usually a shocking experience to all that I have presented to. But not to worry. There are many useful expense tracker apps from mobile and iPad sites. Download one which is user-friendly and that suits your need. Make an effort to record each inflow (income) and outflow (expenses). At the end of the month, you can see from the pie chart, which category you spend most of your money on. If you are unable to input the data during the day, ask for receipts from each purchase and keep it till the end of the day to do the recording. The more accurate you record your data, the more accurate your report’s going to be. With that, you can easily make necessary planning and adjustments.

Many women shy away from the word “finance” as they would the word ” investment”. Reason being, they thought they are not smart enough to understand these foreign words and that they take for granted their husbands will take care of all important financial decisions for the family. Some gave such lame excuses as, they don’t have time for it and that they don’t need to. I can understand their feelings because I had been there before. For someone whose vision always became blurry while staring at the finance section and the mind suddenly became blank when listening to investment news, it certainly was a learning curve and an uphill experience. But, with perseverance, I managed to make small progress.

I decided to specialise in Women’s Financial Affair because I am a woman and that makes me understand the unique needs of a woman better. Women in general are more vulnerable than their husbands when a divorce or death between them takes place. I met women who were widowed and divorced. They shared me their lives before and after such unhappy event hit them. All of them were caught unprepared and sadly, they were forced to learn the hard way to survive from day-to-day. For those with young families are the worst off. Besides themselves they have a bigger issue to attend to and that is their children’s welfare. It is extremely tough to handle all these alone and being broke at the same time.

I believe that if women were to start planning when all are well, their financial future will be more secured. Financial Independence is not something you achieve within 1-2 years, but over a period of years. How long, shall depend on how soon you act on it and how effectively you build your financial assets. You must be wondering why I have not mentioned “save or savings”. There are many ways to build your wealth besides saving in the banks. Always remember, your returns in savings must be higher than your personal inflation rate. You have to find out your estimated personal inflation rate. This largely depends on your lifestyle and spending habit.

All in all, what I want to say to you today is that, please be in control of your own finances and your financial future. No one knows your needs as well as you do. Learn by starting to expose yourself to reading personal finance or investment books, business sections in the papers and listening to investment news. Start planning and acting on your plans. My wish is to see more women achieve financial independence.

Cheers,
Alice N.

Marriage and Its Challenges

Have you ever imagined walking up to those young couples, happily flipping through oversized albums at bridal fairs, to advise them that marriage is not just the diamond ring, platinum wedding band, grand reception and the much-envied honeymoon. If you have that kind of “crazy” thought, you are not weird or alone. Many of us thought of it, but without any bad intention, of course. Those who have/had been married will testify that marriage is no child’s play. Nor is it a fairy tale in which the handsome prince came asking for the hand of the beautiful maiden, and then took her to his grand palace, living happily ever after.

People marry for various reasons. If one marries for material wealth or social status, once all the glitz have settled, the ones who live in the “glass palace”, may discover that life is not as what it seems to be. Those who married for love, will find that it will be tested with time. For some who married under pressure (parents’ demand, age factor, for convenience), you’ll have to continuously seek common grounds to live by. All in all, whichever way you take to arrive at the altar, what really matters is the day after the champagne and music, then days and years following that. Nothing remains constant in life. Change is inevitable, therefore, marriage in itself, involves not just hard work but continuous “heart-work” to keep up with the changes.

Most marriages fell apart when they couldn’t withstand the stress of frequent arguments. Arguments about finances. Money isn’t everything but we know the significant role it plays in our daily lives. If a family has insufficient money to go around, you are left with little or no choice at all. When that happens, lack of security seeps into every corner of your life. There are mouths to feed, debts to be paid (mortgage, car loans, credit cards, etc) and the day-to-day maintenance of the household. For those with children, the expenses become much higher. Paying the nanny, milk and diapers, school fees, school needs, tutorials, extra-curricular activities, pocket-money, etc. Many couples can tell you that most arguments stem from money.

The other causes are infidelity, lack of communication and attention, in-laws, inability to compromise, critical spouse, domestic (physical and/or verbal) abuse, bad habits (addiction, gambling, etc), so on and so forth. I am not a marriage counsellor nor am I qualified to give professional advice for a happy marriage or to rescue a failing marriage. All I know is that, whatever problems one faces, to always identify the root of the problem and treat it at source, as soon as possible. If one goes around the problem and starts the blaming game, there is no end to it and the longer the problems brew, the further you head towards the point of no return. Then, one fine day, it just snapped and one of you might just decide to throw in the towel and call it quit. Many people take the easy way out without giving the marriage a good chance to heal.

Today, many marriages ended up in courts. Sadly, the rate of divorce in the world is increasing. As a result of that, not only the adults suffered from the act of dissolution of marriage but worse, the children too! Some ended up with ugly public quarrels but there are some which ended amicably. No matter how it ended, it inevitably left permanent emotional scars in the lives of the children from these broken marriages. Children are innocent. Don’t get them involved in adults’ problems by using them to hurt each other. Many people take the easy way out without giving the marriage a good chance to heal. Everything can be worked out if both of you put enough effort into it. If you had done your very best, yet the marriage is beyond repair, you may choose to go separate ways to keep your sanity and save the last bit of decency. Whatever you decide to do, just don’t stop loving,caring and providing for your children. There are divorced couples who maintain a good relationship with their ex and continue to play an active role in their children’s lives!

That brings me back to the reason why one gets married in the first place. When a marriage is built on the right “ingredients”, it has the capability to provide financial security, love and understanding, common goals in life, shared belief and values, full commitment, responsibility towards your family, communication, and the flexibility to compromise. If you have come to a point where you are clueless about what you in for, try revisiting your marriage vows and recall how on earth did you end up choosing this person, out of so many people on the streets, to be your life partner! This person whom you feel you can’t live without and with whom you want to share your life and dreams.

We all know that marriage is a lifelong commitment, till death do us part. No one would marry with any plan for divorce. It is a partnership, what one does, it may have immediate and opposite effect on another or the others in it (spouse and children). It is an Emotional Bank. Depending on what you deposit into it everyday; what you feed will be what you get in return. Therefore, choose to have positive deposits. Be kinder to your partner, shower him/her with love and affection, invest quality time in it, communicate so that you both continue to share the same goals, whisper good words into his/her ear, make or give little pleasant surprises once in a while, be more forgiving, and you’ll be a happier person in a happier marriage.

There is no place for EGO in any loving and respectful marriage. If you bring your ego into the marriage, it will happily occupy a space between you and your spouse. The space will become wider as your ego grows bigger. If you focus on winning every argument, you’ll end up hurting the one you love and yourself as no one wins when you fight for personal victory. There is no master-servant relationship in a loving relationship. Mutual respect must exist in a marriage. Respect is not about how much money one brings home. Respect is the recognition of each person’s contribution to the wellbeing of the family, material and immaterial. There is this misconception by some couples that, the one who brings home the more money shall be put on a pedestal.

Someone once advised me that, “if you don’t have any good to say to another, just keep your mouth shut”. When we speak positively, we generate positive energy to people around us. When we are positive, we are happier. Happier people will attract others to them because almost everyone wants to be in their companies. What could be more attractive than to be a positive person to your spouse? Imagine, putting a smile on your face when you see your spouse as opposed to scowling when you see him/her. Be more sensitive to your partner’s feelings. If you have better suggestions for improvement, do so kindly. We can be kind and pleasant to our friends, why not we do the same, if not better, to the person who meant so much to us?

Last but not least, marriage is how we built it and live it. You both started it. Make sure you take great care of it. It is a lifetime commitment and other people’s lives and happiness, besides yours are involved. Marriage is about partnership of equal share. Both must work on it to make it last. I wish you all the best!

~ Alice N.

 

 

Happy 1st Birthday, MyTrove!

On March 23, 2011, I published my first post here. My thanks to darling hubby who planted the seed of starting a blog of my own, as he knew very well how much I love to share my knowledge and experience with people. Following that, thanks to my dear friend, Karen for being the architect of this blog. She enthusiastically started to construct the whole thing before I could say ‘No’. She posed a string of questions for me to act on so that the blog could be launched within the next 72 hours. Boy, was she demanding and I know why. By keeping me busy, I won’t have time or space to think of reasons why I can’t do it. You may want know that Karen lives in Australia and I’m in Malaysia. When we were emailing to and fro, we didn’t feel the distance at all. It’s like we were brainstorming at my living room! Additionally, special mention to a friend who is a popular fellow blogger, CuteCarry, for sharing his experience with me, which gave me the confidence to start writing. This is the story of the birth of a wonderful blog called MyTrove! Thanks to all with <3

Not to forget, Special Thanks to all my readers, my friends, who constantly share your feelings and thoughts after reading each post. These comments keep me going and give me the fuel to want to do more and better. I thank God for giving me the inspiration to share my thoughts with you, continuously. I shall want to do so for as long as I live.

I so believe that when God blesses us with "Gifts", it is only more meaningful when we share them. We shouldn’t fear for the receiver(s)to be better off than us when we do so. When we give, we make rooms to receive some more. I strongly believe that the world is huge and it has a special place for every one of us in it.

Having said that, what I found to be most satisfying from my act of sharing is to know that whatever I have written here, do make a difference in someone else's lives. It could be someone close to home, at the neighbouring countries or even across the continent. It could be words of comfort at that particular time of need, inspiring to some when they are at cross roads in life, useful advice to apply to their daily activities, giving hope to some who are feeling helpless, and so on.

It has been a year now and MyTrove contains 108 posts, with 5870 views and still counting. This is the first time I’ve attempted writing in public. It may not be as many posts as I planned to have but I feel that it accounts for something. This second year, I shall hope to share much more. If you feel that I have not written something which you would love to read about from MyTrove, do drop me a line and fell free to make suggestions. I shall do my best to deliver.

This one year journey has been wonderful! I’m enjoying myself here and I hope you do too. MyTrove is my virtual home, welcoming everyone who wishes to drop in for a rest. I warmly welcome you to my Tea Room to have “tea” with me for a relaxing chit-chat about life; then, there are more serious notes From My Desk to talk about issues related to work, career and business; and, there is the cheerful and bright rainbow coloured Play Room, where I share about issues related to children, growing up, through my eyes and experience.

When you are up to your nose with work or chores, take a break and relax with me at MyTrove. I hope your stopping over will help you recharge your battery to return to work with renewed energy and zest. Even if I’m unable to do anything more than simply amused you in any way, my mission has accomplished. That is, I’ve managed to make you feel better than before! I sincerely hope so, my dear friend.

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, MYTROVE!!!

Cheers,
~ Alice N.

 

 

Women & Financial Independence.

A friend once posted a picture of an abandoned old lady in FB. The picture says a thousand words, needless to read the whole story. It received comments, expressions of anger and disappointment from many who read about it. I felt sorry for the lady too. Sadly, it’s not just her, there are many others out there, sharing the same fate. Some abandoned on the street, government hospitals, sent to homes without visitors for as long as one can remember, etc. Someone once told me that, a mother can raise 12 children but none of them could take care of 1 aging mother, despite these children being well-educated and successful in their careers.

Most women till today, live by the “Burnt Toast Syndrome“. What do I mean by that? Let’s say, there are only 4 slices of toasts for breakfast in the house, a slice for each person (husband, 2 children and self). Unfortunately, one is burnt. Now, do you know who gets the burnt toast? Most often than not, it’s the woman who took the burnt toast. As a loving and selfless person, she would save the best or better ones for her family. Her needs come after theirs are met.

Having said that, I ask of you to permit yourself to receiving some TLC (tender loving care). Do pay some special attention to yourself without feeling guilty. Still remember one of the safety procedures during inflight emergency? Put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others put on theirs. When you are safely secured, you can then turn to the next person to help out. Less panic and more gets done. Same goes to our lives. While we are committed to take great care of our beloved family, we owe it to ourselves the same treatment too. A contented and happy woman can do much more for her family.

Women championed as jugglers. In order to be a good juggler, a woman has to keep herself well, not just physically, emotionally and spiritually but financially too. Women are great planners. We plan so well for our families that we can complete so many tasks in one day from various places! Amazing! But, what about planning for our financial independence? It’s the greatest gift one can give to herself. Remember the “Burnt Toast Syndrome“? Don’t limit yourself with what is placed in front of you. You have other choices.

That brings me to say something about Women and Money. Before you start to say “Money Isn’t Everything!“, I’d like to add, “Everything Is Money!“. There’ll be a time in life when you come to full realisation that this is in fact, a big-time material world. Without money, you can’t get many things done. I’ve witnessed how money works, especially in your golden years. When you are financially secured, you have nothing much to worry about in your old age. You do not depend on your children or relatives to care for you. You can seek better medical care, have better diet, travel as you like, live your life the way you want it and you’ll never be a burden to your children or siblings.

How can you achieve that? Simply by changing your mindset and the way you treat money. Firstly, women must understand how we feel when it comes to finances. We just want peace of mind, or certainty to a certain degree. We want to know that whatever happens in the future, financially, we can handle it well. Women who are in charge of their financial lives have higher self-confidence and self-esteem. They feel better about themselves and their relationship with their loved ones grow stronger. Why is that so is simply because they live well. They know they deserve to enjoy all the wonderful things in life. In such a financial state, it frees you and gives you more time and means to do what you want and like.

Next will be the way you treat money : When it comes to finances, most women allow the men to make key financial decisions as they thought it is a subject mastered by men. They honestly believe that men are better with money and at investing. Even though we could come up with a better financial solution or idea, women tend to keep mum and not challenge the men’s decisions! When it comes to retirement planning, many women leave it to the men (The Provider).

Women are lacking in financial planning but they are in fact, disciplined savers. They put aside some cash regularly to create a pool of emergency fund for the family. They keep their money in a safe place. Many do not know how to grow their money and out of fear of failure or fear of losing that they decide not to step into unknown territory. The word “investment” seems to be too heavy and big for them to handle. They also won’t take the trouble to educate themselves to reduce those fears. And thus, resort to growing their wealth in the only way they learnt from their mothers and grandmothers, the slow and steady way. Today, everything around us costs more each year. Some with double-digit inflation rate whilst the slow and steady return contributes only in single digit. Is their money really safe after all?

The message I’m trying to send out here is to jolt your minds into thinking deeper about your habit where money is concerned. Every lady I met would share her dream of becoming financially independent one day, regardless whether she is married or single, younger or older. You can achieve it if you decide to take the driver’s seat where your financials are concerned. No longer being a bystander. And, as this is a new territory for you, it is wise to engage a “navigator” to be with you all the way. The “navigator” must be someone qualified, who shall help you manage your risks and yet engage you to play an active role in all your financial decisions. You can further educate yourself by reading financial books and journals. It is alright to take baby steps towards achieving your financial independence. Act on it!

A successful woman will be one who knows very well what she wants in her life and reach for it. She knows how to live abundantly. She is emotionally and financially strong. Let us be counted as one of those women.

To be one, we must change our mindset about finances and start planning for our financial future. A journey starts from a single step. Take the first step now to building your personal wealth.

~ Alice N.

 

 

What I Learnt From My Boss(es)

We come across more people condemning their bosses than giving praise. We heard them saying, bosses are insensitive, demanding, fierce, unreasonable, strict, unfair, stingy, so on and so forth. Some said, bosses only know how to give instructions and assignments, issuing warning letters and worse, clock-watcher (who’s late this time? who’s leaving early?).

Whichever type your boss is, they have come a long way to be who they are. Successful companies are not built overnight. I think a company has got to go through growing pains for between 6 to 10 years before it finally matures. Activities during these roller coaster years are what shaped the business owner to who he/she is today. It is from these experiences that we could learn one thing or two from our boss(es). Tested and proven! Real life! Hands-on experience! All we need to have is an open mind, enthusiasm, and a brain like sponge. However, if you are happy with what you are doing and where you are, not a wee-bit ambitious, then, sit comfortably at your seat to just clock in and out.

Bear in mind that not all bosses are highly educated, not even a Diploma, Degree, Master or PhD. Some became successful out of continuous hard work, cracking their brains through trials and errors. Not all are born super smart but they become street smart over the years of experience while building successful empire out of blood, sweat and tears. There are bosses who are well qualified with fancier credentials. No matter how and what got them to the top, they must have gone through at least, the necessary basic requirements for them to be the “chosen ones”.

Being a boss is nice to look at but it’s not an easy pill to swallow as he/she has a huge block of responsibilities on the back to be carried around at all times. They don’t work by the official working hours or days. Every action they take, they know, will have rippling effect on the lives of their employees and families. The stake is always high. Whatever decision they make, it doesn’t have to suit you alone. Fact is, as a boss, he/she can’t please everyone.

Therefore, if you aim to climb the corporate ladder to higher posts, or to become your own boss, now is the time to learn from your boss(es). Open your eyes and tune in. Copy and improvise the good but learn from the bad so that you won’t repeat the mistakes when you are the boss one day. It won’t hurt to offer to take on more responsibilities so that you can learn from the boss directly. How else can you learn?

I am not a boss to anyone now, but I am a boss of my own time and work. I had the privilege to work with successful bosses throughout my employment history and also while I worked with some seniors and now with fellow partners. Here are what I learnt from these people :

* Display a positive work attitude, smile and take care of self-image, that includes my car! I make sure my car is always clean and tidy from inside out.

* Be observant, enthusiastic and learn fast. I am accountable for my own action. Don’t waste time on office gossips or people’s personal problems while at work.

* When clueless, ask for clarification then follow what’s been taught. Smart people ask questions. It is dumb to try to act smart.

* Continuous education to further enhance my knowledge and skill, even if it means paying from my own pocket. After all, knowledge and skills are my own asset.

* Be optimistic, confident, friendly and a sense of humour; make a person a good company to be with.

* Don’t bring Personal problems into the office. Leave them at home to be dealt with after work.

* There is no shortcut to success. Just work harder and be smarter. It’s more long-lasting.

* Always maintain good working relationship with colleagues, from the tea lady to the bosses. No need to be arrogant. Greet everyone I meet in the morning or pass positive comments. By doing that simple exercise, I might make someone’s day.

* Negotiate for what it’s worth. Dare to ask for the well-deserved raise, and in some cases, convince the boss that I am ready for added responsibilities. All I need to do is “Ask”. At least, I get the chance to speak for myself.

* Don’t leave my fate in other people’s hands. It should be in mine, always.

* Be diplomatic when pointing out bosses’ mistake, do it without audience. Making constructive criticism is indeed an art! It reflects one’s maturity and professionalism.

* Put things down in writing to avoid future disputes. Record important decisions or instructions will be better than trying to dig the cluttered brain for data.

* The right and wrong techniques of presentation skill.

* Respect has to be earned.

* Be a step ahead of others, including your own boss! Always provide solutions to problems when speaking up. Even if it’s not the right one, at least I tried.

* Not to feel inferior when faced with heads of companies or someone in a more senior position. All humans are equal, in a way or two. They are great at their works but I am the specialist of my work.

* Take care of my own backyard by performing my job well first, before criticising others about theirs.

* Systematic approach to completing a big project, right from pre-production, critical path to conducting post-mortem at the end of it. One will not stray too far off from the work path.

* Do the first thing right first! When the head is right the body and tail will follow accordingly.

* I understand that I only have the power to influence but not control over people’s mouths and minds. Tolerance is the key values to avoid falling victim to prejudice, jealousy, office politics, etc.

* God bless us with the gift of knowledge. Don’t be afraid to share it, for He will provide some more. That’s the art of giving back.

* When I see something worth doing, copy, improvise and act on it. Grab the chance when it presents itself. Always find ways to improve myself.

* To read the fine lines and between the lines.

* Develop my own personal work ethics. What I do and don’t do when performing my job responsibilities.

* When in need of help, not to be afraid to ask. You either get a “yes” or “no” answer. Some issues can’t be solved alone. Asking for help doesn’t mean one is weak, but smart enough to leverage on others.

* If we think we are great, someone else out there is greater; if we think we are so smart, someone else somewhere is definitely smarter than us; if we think we are worst off, someone else could be worse than us. Therefore, be grateful and stay humble.

* When we do good to others, do it unconditionally. Don’t expect anything in return.

* A relationship that is built on results alone will not last. The cheer will subside as soon as the desired result stops showing up. I recognise that there are up and down times. Nothing is permanent. Stay hopeful.

* Everyone goes through some career or performance slump time. It is okay to seek comfort in the slump but decide on a time frame (soon), to pick my butt up and rise again.

* Do not bad mouth former or current boss(es) or colleagues. It reflects badly on ourselves. If we don’t have anything good or constructive to say, just shut up.

* It is so easy to judge our boss(es) and complain about them….till one day we are on their hot seats, we then realise that, what we went through is nothing compared to what they had to go through, daily.

* Much as we want to get things done our way, our time, we can only do so much with a pair of hands and legs. We must learn to delegate and empower trusted colleagues or subordinates to carry out some of the tasks. The fastest way to learn is to be given the opportunity to perform the tasks!

* Carry a notebook at all times to write down important things.

* Put my business blueprint on paper; never store it in my memory. We are visual people – an effective way to see my short/medium/long term plans and to chart my progress.

* If we continue to do the same things and expect different results, it’s called “Insanity”. Change the approach and we may get the results that we have always wanted.

To all my former bosses and seniors, I am forever grateful. Without you, I can’t be who I am today. Experience shapes one’s character. I am so blessed!

I hope you learnt as much from your boss(es) too. If you can’t think of any, be objective and think deeper. You can learn from his/her good management style and you can also learn from their mistakes. All the best to you!

~ Alice N.

 

 

Stay At Home Moms

Many people have misconceptions about homemakers/housewives. It is sad to note that these women are not given due recognition for their hard work or for some, due respect. Being a homemaker is an award-winning job like any others. Maybe, more than others? Worst is that they don’t draw a monthly salary nor do they have any pension plan waiting for them….there is no official retirement age for being a homemaker!

Their job specs are borderless and endless, including but not limited to these: routine household chores, family welfare, dietician, trainer, tutor, chauffeur, life coach, home nurse, chef, baker, adviser, seamstress, gardener, party planners, etc. No official one-hour lunch break, medical leave or annual leave. No public holidays too! Full-time job which covers 24×7. Break time is when one manages to find slots during the day, to get off their feet to relax for a while.

These are women, some of whom once upon a time, were professionals or carried high posts in their organizations. They chose to retire from workforce to be Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHM) because they have different sets of priorities. They prefer to take on a more challenging job to manage their homes, by exchanging power suits with aprons, so to speak. These are very hands-on mothers. All they want is to give the best to their children by contributing their skills and knowledge to tasks at home. They want to be there when their babies take the first step, utter the first word, care for their children when they are ill, personally prepare meals for the family, send and fetch the children from schools, attend sports practice, attend Parents-Teachers meetings, so on and so forth. Some took up additional lessons in cooking, sewing, baking, languages, to complement the existing skills that they have.

Many people who have no idea what these SAHM have gone through would jump to conclusion that homemakers are very free just because they stay in the comfort of their homes. They have no bosses screaming or breathing down their necks, no mean colleagues or customers to deal with, they don’t have to drive through bad traffic to get to and back from work, no datelines to meet, they don’t have to deal with office politics, no need to work harder to remain competitive, all in a package and then, returning home to undertake another set of job.

If I may say so, there is no way to compare or measure who is doing more or less. It depends on the landscape of the family. Some more fortunate families have the luxury of delegating house chores and certain degree of childcare to third parties like domestic helpers, nannies, childcare centers and/or part-time maids. There are also “ladies of leisure”, who do not literally have to lift fingers to do domestic chores, that they spend time pampering themselves at the fitness center, spa, salons, going to clubhouse, tea rooms, parties, launches, shopping trips and vacation. I assume, these are the ones whom the working ladies are envied about….maybe not only working ladies but those who wish for this kind of lifestyle?

Whether one is a homemaker or working mom, it is your personal choice. Always give it time to grow and get into a system which works for you. Don’t waste time envying other people just because you think that their lives are better off than yours. What you see may not be the real thing. Each household has its own happy and sob stories. Just do the best that you can for yourselves and your loved ones, and be grateful for the chance you get to do as you wish.

Regardless if you are a SAHM, WFHM (Work From Home Moms), or Full-Time Working Moms (FTWM), let’s not compare who is better off. It will not do us any good but only breed unnecessary dissatisfaction, regrets and resentment. These feelings will hinder you from being happy with yourselves. The most you can do is to learn from one another. Oh yes, we can learn loads if we take the initiative to mix around and have an open mind.

Therefore, please stop passing comments that homemakers are so very free. They take offense and I don’t blame them. They work very hard, tirelessly, physically and emotionally, to provide and maintain warm and loving homes for their families. It is heartless to dismiss any one of them as someone who shake legs (lazing around) at home, watching soap operas all day long. Even if they have time for such breaks, don’t you think they deserve it after a hard day work? Everyone deserves a good break. We are only humans. Be more sensitive and tolerant of others. Be happy for those who have done well. If we don’t waste time feeling jealous of others, and use that time and energy to be productive, I’m sure we can all realize our dreams, sooner or later.

Gentlemen, be proud of your wives who are SAHM. They work hard but don’t produce progress reports. They don’t submit job sheets either. That doesn’t mean they do nothing at home. They work silently to give you peace of mind to perform your work at your best. They are the ones who ensure you have healthy food on the table, children affairs taken care of, small stuffs dealt with, provide support whenever you need it, hosts functions for your family members and colleagues, and many more. You know best. If they have weaknesses, speak to them gently and kindly. Every human has faults, as no one is perfect. There is no super woman in the real world. There is no super man either. So, it is cool be more considerate, understanding and less demanding with your other half. There’s so much one can do. Give her a break. Give her time for herself by offering a helping hand with the house chores or take the children off her hands. Pamper her…after all she is the love of your life.

Cheers everyone!

~ Alice N.